Day 164, September 14, 2012

  It was pretty early and the sun was just up when I opened my eyes. I still felt really good and was extremely relieved at that. I was so thankful that my mind was still good and I really think the breakdown I had the day before helped me a lot. Plus all the people who brought me hope kept me stable.
       I stood up and tested my knees again. They were feeling pretty rough today and I felt like they did a fair amount of work yesterday for the condition they were in. They hurt a fair amount and felt a little weak. I was now feeling closer to 29 palms. I guessed I had maybe 49 miles or so to go. I decided to try and get around 15-17 miles in for the day.
       I packed up and was in a pretty good state of mind. I stretched out more today since I was up early and I just felt all around better.  I felt much better after stretching and could really feel the benefit of loosening up. I took off down the road and I was feeling revitalized.
       I headed west now along 62 and was doing much better. I had more water and everything was adding up now. I was still moving pretty slow and keeping close tabs on my knees. But it was night and day from 24 hours ago. I snacked on trail mix as I walked to keep calories in me. I still didn't have much of an appetite, but I knew it helped me with energy.
      I walked a slow 4-5 miles when I stopped for a break. I was climbing a steady grade and was sweating a lot when I stopped. It was warm and I needed water. I guzzled down more than I liked, but I couldn't afford any more deficiencies. I just had hope that if I stay as healthy as I can now it will work out. Yes, I know I constantly change my game plan and strategy, but I just go with what I feel in the moment and trust it. That's all I can do.
       After stopping for about 20 minutes I took off again. I was starting to worry about the outside world worrying about me. Especially my mom. I was thinking it might be getting to the point where people may worry a lot. It's been 4 days now. I thought I would try and use a phone if someone else pulls off. I wonder if they even have service through here?
       I walked another 5 miles or so when I was ready for a long break. I stopped under a bush that looked exactly like the last 2 I stopped at from yesterday. It was pretty bizarre. The only thing that looked different were the mountains way off on the horizon. But as I sat down it was a bit of a mental game as I felt like it was on repeat and I hadn't moved.
       As I sat there an old classic car came rolling up and pulled off right across the street from me. Two old men got out and were looking at the motor. They hadn't noticed me yet but I decided to walk over to them and see if they had phone signal. As I walked over there another classic car pulled off behind them. They were all buddies. I walked over and said hello as they were checking the fuse box and replacing fuses. They asked if I was ok and I said yes. I asked if they had a cell phone I could borrow. They did but they had no signal. I had an idea, I asked if I could give the guy my moms cell number and have him call her when he had signal again. He was really friendly and said no problem. He put her number in and I felt much better. They were headed to hunnington beach, also my destination.
      They offered me a cold water and then fired their cars up to take off. I waved and said thanks as they drove off. That worked out well and my mom would soon be notified that I was ok and not to worry. That was the message I asked him to relay. Of course that would not tell the real struggles I had been going through. But none the less, it would keep everyone from worrying.
      I left from there after resting in the heat wave of the day. I kept moving to tuck into the shade of the bush, but I managed to stay somewhat cool I guess considering the elements around me. I drank a fair amount of water and took off again.
      It was still pretty hot and I was still going up a slight climb. I was drinking water at a faster rate now and was hoping it would cool off soon.
       I walked another 4 miles or so when I stopped for another break before one last stretch. I sat down behind a pretty large bush actually. The shade was much cooler and the sun was starting to dip down to the mountain tops. The silence was still a powerful thing. Hearing the ring in my ears brought me back to the day before and how scary it was. I honestly was still not in the best condition now, but I really had let myself get too far down and malnurished. I didn't feel like drinking and eating when I should have. I wasn't gonna let that happen again. Still had no appetite and felt a little sick but I was way beyond where I was from the morning before. Wayyyy beyond..
The sun dropped down and I was ready to get the last couple miles in. I stretched out for a few minutes as I had tightened up from resting. I took off walking now very tenderly. I slowly made the last 2 miles of so and then pulled off the road.
       I stopped in another wash about 50 feet off the road and found a bush to hide behind. As long as I'm out of sight I am ok out here. It was becoming more thick with bushes now and it was nice not to have to hike too far off the highway. The soft sand is a mission to push my cart and walk through.
I made camp up there and overall was happy I met my goal for the day. One step closer to 29 palms. I imagined getting to the town soon and it really got me excited. I couldn't wait to have air conditioning and some hot food and cold drink! I would give so much for that right about now! And people around would also make my mind relax a little too. I knew this was another step to appreciating life more. I am so far removed that I see how great we have it on the other side. I look forward to things I never knew I even liked. I fell asleep after sunset and hoped that my hope would stay elevated for the next couple days. I also imagined how good my mom felt now as she knew I was fine. And how she could answer to everyone else that is worried too. Let them know I'm well.

  
   

Day 163, September 13, 2012

 I woke up feeling the heat. I was exhausted! I slept on and off and never too solid, but I slept for such a long time I thought that the time I was asleep would provide more of a recovered feeling than this. I felt so tired I felt sick. I opened my eyes and just laid there.
My body felt sucked in and I had not eaten nearly enough food in the last few days. I didn't want to move. Just thinking about sitting up sounded like a major chore. My hope was slipping again.
I now realized I am going in and out. I still felt a slight feeling of hallucinating. When I moved my eyes there seemed to be a blurry delay. What is causing this? Maybe exhaustion and starvation? I didn't feel like I was that much worse now than I have been in past days. Is it just what the massive desert can do. It seems as if the bare land all around me is collectively draining my spirits. I felt a glimpse of hope the day before and thought it would rise from here. But it now seems to be lost again.
       I laid there totally blank. No plan. No idea. Not even a thought of what to do. My knees felt pain but I still havnt moved to see what that feels like. They could just be sore.
I laid there in silence and have quickly come to strongly dislike the emptiness of what is around me. It is taking my mind on a roller coaster and I feel that in any moment I could just fall off the tracks to never return again.
       I laid there in the heat and still had no immediate plan for the day. I was blank and battling a mental struggle I have never faced before. I stared up into the skies like I was just a blank body. What an intense feeling. I closed my eyes and disappeared from reality.
I woke up again. I'm not sure how long I had slept. It felt like I was on pause and am just back on play now bringing myself back into this world.
I honestly was thinking this was too bizarre. This feels like one of those vivid dreams that you think are real. Is this the dream? This can't be real.
       I sat up and was sweating and hot. I felt so weak and the arm I used to support me shook in a lack of strength. I was hurting. I sat there and slowly looked around. Not even sure why as I knew I would just see more of the same in any direction. I had a moment where I really just gave up. I laid back down since my body was so weak. Even sitting up was work.
I laid there in silence. I just wanted to lay there until I felt better. But I knew I might not get that reward in these elements. It's way too hot for anything to help here. I heard a car off in the distance drive past. I don't even care. The road is 75 yards away and I'm too weak to get there right now. I need to eat something, but food sounds like it will make me vomit. I don't have energy to vomit. I could pass out. I'm falling apart...
       I opened my eyes again and suddenly was angry! I was frustrated and upset. Mad at everything around me. I had a small urge of energy that seemed to be fueled by rage. I sat up and started throwing my things together aggressively. I think I knew I had no choice and no way out. I had to move. I had to.
       I was weak and shaking. I felt a sudden breakdown. I stopped being upset now and throwing my things around and put my hands over my face. I lost it. I saw my family and loved ones in my mind. But they were faded. I was breaking down. All the way across the country and it has come to this. This moment where I am done. I felt the rush of emotions surge into me and I was a mess. It is the worst physical and mental condition I have ever been in at the same time. I started to feel anger again now as I was putting all my emotions into my hands covering my face. Anger struck me again. Why am I so stubborn?!? It's a curse on me! If I give up now I refuse to take an easy way out. I will just lay here behind this bush and let the world drain me more to the point where I can't even stand up. Then fear hit me... Is this it? Is this the end. Is this the way I'm going to end up? My arms were shaking from just holding them up to my face.
       I lost control of my emotions for about 10 minutes. And I truly believe that was the only thing that could have saved me. The things I felt in my body gave me the boost I needed. I felt a cold sensation. I felt adrenaline. I felt strength. Just feeling anything in this moment was what I needed to bring me out of this. This has to be the low. I can't deal with another low lower than this. It can't happen. I don't have it in me. Suddenly all the emotions stopped! I looked up into the sky. I don't know why. Maybe because I've seen enough movies to know that's what I do in this moment, maybe it was a natural action. But I felt a feeling I had felt before out here. I was connected again. Everything I just poured out was what was holding me back. It was what I feared. I'm still alive and I can do this. This was such a crazy experience and Unless you were there next to me, there's no way to recreate the place I was in. It was real. It was scary as hell!
       I suddenly was focused again. Part of me was relieved and another part of me frustrated I went through a low again. Is this going to come again? I really hope not.
I still had adrenaline an used that to move around and pack up. I tore open an energy bar from my pack and took a huge bite of it and chewed as I packed up. I swigged warm water that had allege floating in it. I didn't really care. I felt now that it was fueling me up. Mentally I knew this is going to help. I kept moving and things were back into perspective.
       I was riding the wave of different emotions to carry me back out to the highway through the deep soft sand. I got to the road and it felt like I had just overcome the biggest challenge maybe of my life. I felt like getting to the road from where I'd slept was a longer walk and bigger challenge than the entire way I have come across the country yet. I got to the road and ironically sat back down on the shoulder under a shaded spot under a large bush. Even though I sat back down, in the last 2 minutes I got up, ate food, drank water, and conquered the fear of the moment. I didn't have a choice. Choices are privileges.
       I sat there in the cooler shaded air. I literally felt the food in my stomach moving and just imagined the nutrients breaking down and being sent through my body to aid it. I knew it would help. I laid back in the silence and just wished some kind of noise would occupy my mind. I have music but for some reason did not want to force it into my ears. It didn't sound enticing at all. I think I just didn't want any type of emotional stimulant right now. I was potentially still very vulnerable.
I sat there and dozed off for an hour or so. I woke up hearing a few cars pass by me. Finally a big rig truck passed and it really woke me up as it shook the ground and was really loud. I rubbed my eyes and woke up. It was about 11 by now. I was ready to try and move.
       I stood up to move around and analyze my knees and see how they felt. I think the adrenaline and emotions from earlier put my mind elsewhere rather than focused on the hurt in my body. My knees were still very sore and inflamed. I stretched them out and moved around some more. I was ready to go now. I picked up my things, drank a good amount of water, threw a handful of trail mix into my mouth and took off walking.
      The first mile I was very stiff and my knees felt weak. But they were actually feeling like they were loosening up a good amount now which was a great thing! I kept a very slow pace and tried not to think too far ahead than just each step. That goes for each aspect of my situation. I was not thinking about supplies either. I felt like that would discourage me at this point and I can't afford that.
I walked a couple miles and took another break under a small shade of another bush. It was the weirdest feeling and I swear it was identical all around me from the last bush I rested at. I have a pretty good photographic memory and all around looked almost the same. That really messed with my head. It felt like the movie groundhog day.
       As I sat there a guy pulled off in a truck. This was pretty exciting since it had been so lonely the last few days. He jumped out and offered me water. I jumped up and said "sure!". He looked at me and seemed to see the desperation in my voice and body language. He then said "do you need food?" I said "if you have any to spare that would be awesome". He asked "are you ok buddy?". I knew he could tell now that I was in a pretty intense and survival mindset. He gave me 2 waters and a bag of lunch meat and a bag off lettuce. I was so happy I was shaking! He then said "stay here" he went back and got 2 more waters. I thanked him like he gave me a million bucks. The mans help went so much further than just the items he gave me. He delivered so much hope to my mind it blew me away! If I had to put a price tag on what he gave me I would realistically say it was at least a few thousand of money value. He almost seemed amused by how excited I was. I moved swiftly when he was there when I was just walking like a 90 year old man all morning. It was a gift for sure.
       He left and I pounded 2 waters. Cold water. I can't even describe what that was like. I can't. I made a lettuce sandwich over the roast beef. It was the best sandwich I've ever had. Hands down. I was smiling and felt 100% better! Again, hard to describe to an outsider. I'm sure it sounds ridiculous.
       I sat there just so happy, then another guy pulled off going the other direction and pulled a $20 out and handed it to me. He took off right away. Are you kidding me!?!? I was blown away! I could care less about the money, in fact it honestly does me no good out here aside from giving me a small rough strip off asswhipe. The gesture and care from the guy is what was real in that moment. I didn't care about the green colored paper. What perspective I just had. Things look so much different from this light of life.
       I packed up and had goosebumps. I started walking and suddenly felt great. I was smiling, I felt so much better, I couldn't believe I got to the top of this emotional mountain after being in such a deep valley just this morning. Probably the craziest most fascinating day of my entire life thus far. No joke!
       I walked about a mile after that when another truck stopped!! A guy and girl headed west handed me 2 turkey sandwiches and an energy drink. I smiled and said thank you so much! I really was in slight shock at this point. The hardest thing to deal with is knowing these people may never know how much they are really helping me.
       I walked another few miles and took another break. I sat on a dirt mound for maybe 5 minutes. I didn't want to take a long break, I wanted to keep moving. Just then a green car stopped. A man and his wife gave me a water. I just laughed. I'm sure I looked crazy to them, but I just laughed and looked up to the sky in thanks. They said be careful out here and left. I laughed while saying "I will".
I took off again and walked another few miles while the sun was setting. I almost felt like my knees hurt much more than my body was able to feel that day. If that makes any sense. I was at such a low emotional state to begin the day that everything happening was drowning the possibility of feeling the full amount of pain I actually was facing. Maybe that was exactly what I needed. What a trip! It was like I discovered a new possibility for what our bodies are capable of. Did I manifest that reality? Did god put me in this position? Is this just how the stories goes? Wow! Whatever it is, it's truly amazing!
I walked a whole longer and figure now I got about 13-15 miles in. Even though it was a rough and rocky day, the numbers didn't lie. I covered ground in the direction I needed to go. I was really happy now and felt so much more hope. What a day!
       I stopped when it was just about to get dark and the sun had been behind the mountains for a while now. I pulled of the road just after a junction where the road split. I was headed toward 29 palms. I pulled right off the road into a dry creek. There was a flash flood warning sign right next to me and I hoped there were no storms coming in. I hadn't checked the weather and couldn't now with no service. But it had been clear the last few days and I doubted rain. It still lurked in the back of my head though.
       I made my bed just as it got dark and cooled down quit a bit. I laid down and was really happy. It was an experience I was thankful for. To be able to see things in this light makes me think so different in life. It always circled back to how people need help. The life of being homeless is a rough one. And the value of how gestures and little things can be blow me away now that I've been there! It's a spiritual life and I truly think it brings wisdom to humanity. I've never felt so connected spiritually until living this way. And sharing it from a firsthand experience is something I'm passionate about now.
       I went to sleep there in the Mohave that night still facing a big challenge ahead. But I was so struck from the miracles of the day that I couldn't think out of the moment if I tried. I literally went to sleep that night with my mind blown. What a day! I had my hope back. And even though i was alone and money was not worth much to me in this day, i was worth millions. You can't buy this pure experience.



 

     

Day 162, September 12, 2012

  I woke up and my knees were locked. The first thing I noticed was that. I couldnt even hardly bend them. They were in a lot of pain. I was not feeling good at all.
     I sat up and every little movement was hurting. Uh ohh. Something feels messed up, bad. I was instantly in a light panic. I started breathing heavily and grabbed my knees while bending down toward them. "oh no" I said lightly. I lifted my knees upward with my hands to bend them. They were so tight it felt like I was in a metal brace or something. This is not good. The pain is bad. They were swelled up and nothing about today was feeling good right now.
     I sat there just with a blank mindset. I stared at a bush in front of me and totally was lost in thought. Am I really here right now? Am I really hurting this bad and in the middle of the Mohave desert alone? My water supply was in danger of running out before I make it out of here. The heat is brutal and the conditions I'm dealing with are easily dangerous to the point of death. I sat there lost in almost an out of body experience. Like a mix of panic, disbelief, solitude, and complete loneliness. A surprising calmness came over me. Almost like an acceptance of the situation and knowing staying calm is my best bet. And all the while I hear a light whispering wind pass through the dry weeds around me. Almost like a background that was perfectly accurate to what was going on in my body and mind.
     I bent my knees more and was now sitting up with my legs tucked close to me. I put my arms around my knees and locked my hands together and rested my chin on my knees. I couldn't even think a minute ahead or plan anything. I was just completely zoned out of life. Almost a fascinating feeling even though I had a deep worry of danger ahead.
I looked around slowly. Looking left along the highway, then looking right. Nothing. No cars, no buildings. Nothing.
     I finally came back to my Senses a little and laid back. I started stretching my legs out in hopes of feeling better. It felt very awkward and uncomfortable. Any way that I moved my knees were hurting. But I stretched anyways.
After laying there for about 20 minutes I knew I needed to get up and try to walk. I just wanted to sit there, but I can't just sit in the scorching sun all day. I needed to try and cover ground. At least test my knees.
     I stood up and my knees were shaking lightly. They felt so weak and my entire body was so drained. I knew at that point I may have pushed too far yesterday. Every shift of my legs or footing hurt bad. I packed up slowly and kept a cautious mindset on how I moved around.
I was all packed up and then wrapped my knees with ace bandages. The tightness around my knee felt a little better, but not much.
I started walking out toward the road and I was grimacing every step. When I reached the road I stopped and leaned on my cart. I was not feeling a good vibe.
I figured I would at least try a few miles and see how I feel. I walked down the road very slowly and was focused on keeping close attention to my knees. I walked for about a mile very slowly and it felt like the pain was slowly getting worse and worse each step.
     When I got about a mile in my right knee buckled.. I shuffled my feet and sort of did a half fall before planting and catching myself. My knee was shaking rapidly and I needed to stop. This is not good.
     Just ahead about 200ft there was a railroad bridge where It looked like I might be able to catch a shade spot. There was no other shade around and it was already really hot. I leaned heavily on my cart and walked with less weight on my legs to get over there. Each step was very slow and I really babied my way there. I walked to the bottom of the small bridge. Just under it was a small area of shade. I slowly pulled my cart under there and plopped down on the sand. I was pretty worried but almost feeling like I was hallucinating a little and my emotions were blocked or something. The heat was getting to me. And frankly, food was the last thing on my mind. I was starving but didn't care to eat. I sat there just staring blank into the concrete support of the bridge. I really couldn't even think straight. I knew I could calculate my water and distance until 29 palms to gauge exactly how much danger I was really in. But as I sat there spaced out, I didn't care to. I almost didn't care about anything at this point.
     I sat there lightly drinking my water, which was hot from the heat, and half way closed my eyes as I sat with my back against the concrete wall of the bottom of the railroad bridge. I eventually dozed off there and had the weirdest kind of half sleep feeling ever. The wind still lightly whispered through the air and I almost felt the little noise of that was competing with the ringing of my ears. It was a back and forth battle to what was louder depending on if the wind died down for a few moments here and there. This really seemed fake and like a dream. The desert, in this point and time, was completely dominating me.
     I woke up later and was super blurry. I was drenched in sweat with beads rolling down my face. I was dirty and stinky, and about as uncomfortable as I have ever been. I drank my hot water little by little just knowing each sip was that much closer to running out. And I was moving at all right now. I was still a long ways from anything and wasn't sure when I could move again. All I knew was it wasn't today. I was stuck. But for some reason so out of it I lost the nervousness. Such a weird feeling that I had never experienced before. I'm so far from life outside of me and have absolutely no outside communication.
     I grabbed my jacket and laid down on it. I fell asleep and slept for a good while. When I woke up I didn't know what to do with myself. I rubbed my knees and they were still feeling horrible. I didn't want to think about reality or about the situation still. So I laid back down and fell asleep again.
I woke up later when the sun was starting to drop down in the west. Suddenly I came to my senses. Ok, I need to try and walk again. At least a little. If I can make another mile and then get a long night of rest for my knees, maybe tomorrow and can get back on track. I need to conserve water just enough where I'm not dehydrated, and I need to eat something. I have some trail mix I can snack on. I suddenly switched to being in focus. I started moving and doing things, I ate some trail mix and drank just enough water. I re wrapped my knees and stretched out. I got up and walked out back onto the highway. A car passed by right when I was out there and it gave me hope. If things get too bad I will wave a car down and jump in front of it. Ok, I'm good now.
     I walked about a mile and felt better mentally. My knees still hurt a lot and was an obvious issue, but rest has to help. Right?
     I made it far enough and was ready to stop and rest the knees for the night. I walked off the road and found a good sized bush to hide behind. It cooled down now and I was feeling better. The day wore me out and was definitely very bizarre. But I can bounce back, no problem.
     I made my bed in the blank sand on the ground and laid down. I watched as the sun set and said a prayer. I had trust that I was going to be ok. The thing I emphasized more in my prayer was to remember this moment. Remember this pain. Remember this day of lost hope and how much I thought there might not be a way out. Remember all the pain in my legs and just know that later if they feel better, you came from where they are now. Be thankful for the rest and recovery. I really think it will work out. But remember the tough time. Remember what to be thankful for later when things are all good. Remember the power of healing and grace. To whoever or wherever it comes from. But just remember.
     The sun disappeared and I laid there feeling the weight of everything bearing down on me. I fell asleep on my back with my knees up on my backpack. I fell asleep early and really hoped the morning would be a better one.

 

Day 161, September 11, 2012

I woke up with my body aching pretty bad. My feet felt almost bruised badly, my hips cramped, my knees in pain. It was a rough feeling. But I was about 50 ft from the California state line. I can't believe I made it all the way here. I can feel the toll on my body, but the achieved feeling took over as I came to my senses and started to comprehend how far I have come.
I stood up off the concrete and saw that there were some bigger glass pieces under me than I saw from the night before. I had slept right on a good handful of glass.
     I looked out from an opening in the brick building I slept in and saw the California state line glowing like a charm or something. It was a good moment and I just smiled for about 2 minutes while I stood there in a rush of emotions. I was ready to pack up and get moving for the day, in California, for the first time in almost 10 months. Back in my home state and never appreciated it more.
I packed my things up and stretched out before I would get a move on. It was about 6am and it was already pretty warm. It was looking to be a hot day of walking ahead.
     I walked out from where I had slept and over to the sign. I stopped there and enjoyed the moment a little more. I made sure to say a little prayer of thanks for all the blessings and guidance I received along the way. It was a long road to here and somehow I have dodged the thousands of problems or things that could have stopped me in my tracks. It was a very humbling moment of thanks. I asked for protection of the last state of my voyage and to get me home safe and sound to my loved ones.
I left walking there and passed a sign that said "29 palms 103 miles". I have to be honest, I didn't really look ahead and prepare too much for California. I almost felt like it was an easy homestretch    now that I'm here. I didn't realize that the biggest challenge could be yet to come.
     I walked about 4 miles in when I lost Internet signal. I was starting to hope that the gas station that showed on my GPS ahead was even there. The GPS has been wrong on many occasions before and this was one time where I couldn't afford that. I was immediately feeling that I got so caught up and rushed to cross into California, that I honestly forgot to prepare for what could be a brutal stretch. I only had about 3 gallons of water jugs full. That was only going to get me 30 miles. Man, I really hope that gas station is ahead.
     When I left Parker it showed a junction 10 miles ahead with a couple stores. I was now suddenly in a desolate world. It was more quiet around me than it has been the entire journey yet. And there are less cars than anywhere I've been to. It was a very lonely feeling and it set in in a harsh way. Especially knowing I was low on water.
     I had no way of tracking my distance now since my Internet connection was gone. But the further I had walked, the more I was doubting that anything was ahead. And the more worried I was getting. I looked around now at about 7 miles in (guessing the distance from looking back now), and I couldn't see ANYTHING at all. Nothing all around me but hot blaring desert. It was not a good feeling. It was polar opposite of what I felt when I woke up in the morning.
I walked further and finally spotted something ahead. I felt a little at ease and knew all I needed was any source of water to fill up all my jugs. As I got closer things were looking better. I saw cars there and I finally could see that there was a store. Thank god.
       I came up to it and was relieved. I went in and asked the lady if they had a hose where I could fill my water jugs. She said there was a spicket out back where I could do so. I didn't have too much food left in my cart now as I had given some away in Parker to 2 homeless guys. I figured I had enough for 5-6 days if I had to stretch it out and just eat about 400-500 calories per day. I would be weak but I could survive. I picked up a bag of sunflower seeds at the store and thought that might help hold me over a little if I'm starving, and at least would provide some flavor. When I bought it the lady also handed me another bag of seeds from behind the counter. It was ripped and she said she couldn't sell it. That was nice of her. I could for sure use them. I asked her what the next establishment of any kind was. She said 93 miles until 29 palms. And there's nothing from here to there besides open desert. I swallowed hard and felt a nervousness in my stomach.
     I went out to the side and turned the spicket on. I let it run a couple minutes and then started filling the jugs up. When I filled the first jug I took a swig of the water. It tasted pretty funky to be honest. But it was water, and water will keep me alive. I filled all 13 of my 1 gallon water jugs. Usually I can walk 10 miles per gallon. So 13 would get me 130 miles. I figured.
As I left there walking away I was loaded down with weight and feeling like I was entering a war zone. I walked into pure loneliness and solitude. It was scorching hot now and the sun was beating down on me and the land all around. All the open miles ahead of me and no shade to be found. Well, here we go...
     My knees were in a little pain and I was trying to pace my speed. I was guzzling down water more than I expected. The dry heat seemed like it was just draining the water out of my body. The water tasted more weird the more I drank it.
I walked about 8 more miles roughly when I must have been about 18 miles in for the day now. It was still somewhat early and I had a good amount of daylight ahead still. I took a short break and stretched, then continued. I had burned through almost a gallon and a half of water and was still thirsty. This was worrying me.
     I got to around the 20 miles mark when I decided to try and push further. I was thinking that if I could make it through the 93 mile stretch in 4 days, I would be ok on water. I literally can't go 10 miles without water in this heat. That is putting a high risk on dehydration and my health. Heat stroke or passing out in the Mojave desert could be fatal. That was the first time I even had a thought like that and it scared me.
     The heat really beat me up all day and it was a relief when the sun was setting and the air cooled down. I was feeling very worn out by now as I reached the 25 mile mark (roughly). I still had water consumption on my mind and I didn't like the way the math was adding up. I was not in a panic mode, but I was worried. So I decided I would try and get as many miles as I could now that the sun was down. It was cooler and my body was holding the water in. I would use less water per mile now as opposed to the heat of the day. So I walked as much as I could at night.
      My knees were hurting badly now, but the strategy for conserving water outweighed that in my mind. It was so quiet and no cars passed by at all. With no signal at all, nowhere to stop, and nothing around, at all. It seemed as if I was walking into oblivion. Like I was heading into outer space or something. Was there really anything ahead? Was I sure of my route? Wow, the desert was already working its loneliness into my head.
     I walked more and more and just kept going. Through the pain, through the fear, through the deadly land of the Mojave. I pushed further and further into the night. The further I could go, the more water I could save. I was not drinking nearly as much now, and that seemed like the only priority on my mind. It had been so hot all day that I didn't find much of an appetite. I was feeling weak, but the thought off food almost made me gag. I think it was the nervousness too.
I finally was just about completely spent. I made it to a railroad crossing where I randomly found a helicopter pad. I walked up to it and stopped there for the night. Right when I sat down to rest my body, my knees heated up and swelled. Uh oh. That has never happened. I didn't know this until later, but I walked 38 miles. My body was not responding well.
     I felt like I had been hit by a car. Everything was stiff and in pain. It was like my knees had too much pain to handle, so it put the pain in other areas to deal with it. I was not feeling good now.
The worries along with the dead silence did not help. It was so quiet that I heard ringing in my ears. I can't even remember ever hearing that. I looked all around and there was not even 1 light anywhere. Wow. I just entered a whole different world today. The desert is no joke.
I made my bed and it was around midnight. My knees really hurt in any position. I laid there trying to get comfortable but no position helped. I was starting to wonder how I would feel in the morning. Would I recover? Or did I push too much today??
     I tossed and turned all night and didn't sleep much. Not only was the pain and uncomfortableness keeping me up, but the worries of what I just got into was also weighing on me heavily. I said another prayer that night. This one was not in the same light tone as the prayer in the morning.
California was a relief to get to, but provided a very harsh welcome. What will tomorrow bring?

    

Day 160, September 10, 2012

I woke up on day 160 next to highway 95 between Havasu and Parker AZ. It was pretty overcast still and a little damp from the rain that fell through the night. It was about 7:30 and I wanted to get up and going.  I packed up and got myself ready. I stretched and did all the other morning stuff. I snacked on a granola bar and headed out of the dry creek area and onto the 95.
After walking for about a half mile my right foot was killing me. I didn't realize how bad it was the day before, but they were hurting today. I pulled off my show and my toe had a nasty blister! The bottom of my foot also had a really sensitive spot that felt like an incoming blister that just hadn't developed and filled with fluid yet. I ended up putting bandaids on them. Then I took some spare socks and cut the foot part off with my knife to slip them over my foot for more padding. I duct taped it a few times around to give it a little more cushion. When I took off walking, the pain was not all the way gone, but it was much better.
     I walked from there south and it was mostly downhill. The highway veered closer and closer to the Colorado river the further south I walked. I came to a bend where the highway actually went over the river and it was such a pretty spot. I stopped there to have some golf fishes (care package from the Vegas girls) and I took some pictures also. I sat on the railing of the bridge for maybe 10 minutes.
When I left there I walked up the hill on the other side and it was a windy steep climb. The view was better and better the higher up I went. I reached the top and then it was a steep downhill grade that dropped into Parker dam, a small town with a little store.
It was getting pretty warm by now so I stopped under the overhang in the shade to sit down right in front of the store. I sat on my sleeping bag and rested. I stretched my calves a little there as well. My left calve was cramped for some reason.
    I left there and it was a moderately flat walk for the next couple miles. It brought me now right along side of the river again. Man it was so pretty and a vibrant blue color. It was almost like tropical waters. It looked refreshing. I would have jumped in, but honestly I would rather keep moving and cover the most ground I could. The only swim I have in mind is the big blue of the pacific.
The road turned west again along with the river, and it started to climb. I was getting hot on the uphill walk so I stopped to use the frog tog cooling pad that the Vegas girls brought me. That thing was awesome! I put it around the back of my neck and it felt very refreshing.
    I came to another mini summit when the road curved left and then back downhill. I decided to take another break there on the railing along side the road. A little truck passed by me and made a u turn after driving past me for maybe a quarter mile. He came up next to me and pulled off. He handed me $10 out of the passenger window. He said for me to enjoy a nice dinner tonight. I was lifted from the mans generosity. I thanked him and he turned around again to continue in his way.
I felt a small blister was starting to develope on my other foot now too. So I pulled my shoe off and wrapped my foot up with some sports tape. I walked again from there to hit the last 8 miles or so to get to Parker AZ.
     My feet were definitely hurting every step, but it wasn't enough pain to need to stop. More of an uncomfortable annoyance than anything. I walked up and down the windy road further down now. It was sort of weaving west and south back and forth.
Finally I hit a flat where the road was straight and going dead south now. My right knee began popping during the last stretch and a couple times caused a sharp pain where I would sit down quickly and rub it. I was a little nervous as I had never really felt that kind of pain before. It wasn't extremely bad, but it felt like it was deep inside the knee. I was definitely worried a bit.
I took plenty of breaks and walked slow on the last few miles. Finally I had made it to Parker! I was exhausted, starving, my body hurt all over, but I was relieved to be there. I went straight towards a McDonald's. Before I got there another car pulled over and it was another guy who handed me $5 out of his window. He seemed in a hurry and sped off before I could get a good picture.
     I got into McDonald's and was now less than 1 miles from California. Wow! I couldn't believe it! I decided to splurge and have a big dinner like the guy that gave me the $10 told me to do. So I feasted! I ordered a bunch of food off the dollar menu and just went to town. Man it was nice to stuff my face for a change from always being hungry.
I sat there for maybe an hour and then wanted to get to the state line to find a place to sleep. I walked through Parker and over another bridge that crossed the Colorado. The bridge was sketchy with no shoulder and I just went for it. A few cars got pissed but I honestly didn't care. I was beat tired and needed to cross it somehow.
      I got to the other side where I walked another half mile or so and got to the state line! I walked up to the California sign just as it was getting real dark. I made it! Wow. I walked all the way without any rides from the Atlantic ocean to California now. I couldn't believe it. I'm now at the homestretch to get to the pacific ocean!
    I stood and glared at the sign for a few moments just trying to take it in. Then I was ready to crash. There was an old skeleton of a brick building right on the Arizona side of the sign. So I walked over to it and took my gear inside there. It was just enough walls to keep me out of sight. There was a lot of broken glass all around but I found a spot where it was somewhat clear on the cement. I made my bed there and laid down. My body was hurting. But my adrenaline were allowing me to move past that pain and enjoy the moment. It was a sweet night of resting and knowing tomorrow I will step into, and begin to walk the last state of my voyage. Wow!